Peanut (that’s become my name for the little baby-to-be currently residing in my uterus), reached the five week mark on February 5th. Entering into week six, I realized what a milestone each week feels like. It’s like every week that passes gets us closer to safety. And while I want to just take it slow and enjoy the miraculous wonder and joy of it all, I want more to know that this baby is going to keep growing and let me carry it to full term.
When I was charting, and hoping, and planning, and waiting to test, I thought that once I saw the positive test results the worrying would stop. Instead, I realized upon seeing those two pinks lines that the worry really had only just begun. There are so, so many babies that are miscarried every year. And as I receive updates on what’s going on with my little peanut each week, where I used to think a baby wasn’t much to really think about in the first trimester, I realize on the contrary, even though it’s nearly microscopic, peanut has already come a long way. In week six he/she already has a primitive heartbeat! It’s developing eyes, and little arm and leg nubs. Peanut is a little person in there, albeit he/she looks more like a tadpole at the moment. He/she already has a place in my heart, and in our lives, and I want more than anything for him/her to make it all the way. I find myself every few hours thanking God for this miracle, and praying feverishly to not let me miscarry. I can say without a doubt it is my single biggest fear at the moment.
Nothing you read really prepares you for all of the waiting. It seems like when you find out people are pregnant it all seems to have happened so quickly. They got morning sickness, took a test, and the next thing you know you are looking at ultrasound pictures of their baby. In reality it all happens a lot slower. Especially if you are charting and tracking. I found out I was pregnant before I had even hit the four week mark. Given that most doctors won’t even see you till around eight weeks (some make you wait till 10, and I’ve heard overseas it can be 20 weeks!), that’s a whole month to spend hoping everything is going ok and there is still a little bean growing in there, or to even have your pregnancy confirmed by a blood test. This is another situation in which I am thankful we are in the military. The day after I took a home pregnancy test and got a positive result, I was able to go to the base clinic for a blood test confirmation. However, it was another week and a half after that before I was scheduled for the intro appointment with the doctor, and another week or two after that before the first ultrasound. It’s nerve wrecking.
Working On My Fitness
I have been Crossfitting for over a year now. I watched other women get pregnant and continue their daily WOD’s. I’ve read success story after success story of women who cross fitted their entire pregnancy, and not only had a much easier (and often completely drug free) birth, but also regained their body quicker afterwards. I know that as long as you were doing it prior to getting pregnant, there is no reason you can’t continue once you are. I want to be in the best shape I can be, both to make it through the marathon-like experience that is child birth, but also so I can recover and be an active mom to my child.
That didn’t stop me for worrying myself to death every time I walked into the gym. With every squat, every situp, every pushup, I found myself saying “please stay in there little baby!”
Now that a week has passed, that fear has subsided a little. I still think about it from time to time, but now my thoughts are more like “Peanut and I worked on our front squats and pull-ups today!” I keep thinking the stronger I am, the stronger the baby will be, and it keeps me going.
I’m still free from the torture of morning sickness. Hopefully I’m not speaking too soon, but as of this week I still have no food aversions and I haven’t felt a lick of nausea. Really I’m not even all that tired. Every now and then a yawn escapes, or I lay down for a quick cat nap, but in general I don’t feel any different than before. Even the sore boobs are starting to feel better. I have a small amount of cramping from time to time, and other than that I don’t feel pregnant at all…which sucks in some ways I’ll admit.
I spoke too soon. I’ve been writing this post ongoing throughout the week. I won’t call it nausea, but as of yesterday although being so hungry my stomach is growling, but the second I see or smell or think about food I lose my appetite. Eating dinner last night and breakfast this morning I likened it to force feeding, then trying to keep it down. Still no puking though 🙂
The First Appointment
I never had my blood drawn until this past year, meaning I was 28 years old. I’m not scared of needles, and I know it’s not painful really, I don’t even really have an issue with blood. What I do have an issue with however, is veins. Ick! The thought of veins makes my head go light, dizziness sets in, and I feel like I am either going to vomit or pass out. And that’s just thinking about them, imagine actually sitting through a procedure where someone is sticking a needle in one and taking away my precious blood! Just typing that is making my eyes cringe and stomach get butterflies. So, you can understand why there would be a certain level of fear in regards to being pregnant and the slew of tests they would need to do.
In this first appointment I submitted a urine sample, went through a few minutes of health review, advice for beating the nausea (which I didn’t have at that point), and what to eat and what not to eat (as if I hadn’t researched the crap out of that already), finally followed by bloodwork. I always warn the tech that I’m not very good with having my blood drawn, but assured her that I don’t generally pass out. I kind of pride myself on keeping my cool so well considering I am constantly teetering on the edge of panic in my head. I’m really thankful that for the three times I’ve had my blood drawn now, the tech was very talkative and effective at keeping me distracted. That is a key characteristic in blood techs as far as I am concerned.
I was impressed at her lightening speed considering I had seen no less than six vials on the counter waiting to be filled. My dread slowly lifted as she finished in a matter of seconds…and then I looked over and saw all of the vials, filled to the brim with my blood. It was just so, so much blood. I had no idea she had taken that much. I immediately looked away, but the image was seared into my brain. Bile began to rise in my throat. I was already sweating, a nice little side effect my body does when I give blood, and I was fighting furiously to avoid ralphing in the trashcan next to me.
Then she started shaking one of the vials. That almost did me in. I stared a hole in the corner of the room, starting to fidget and sweat even more while she slowly packed up her stuff. I’ve never been more thankful for the -2 degree weather we had that day as my flushed face was met with the arctic breeze.
Our first ultrasound is scheduled for two weeks from now. I knew it would be silly to have one any earlier considering there wouldn’t be much to see, but I so wanted another confirmation that there is in fact a little peanut growing in there. I asked the tech if they would test for pregnancy again, feeling a bit stupid at the question, to which she responded that wasn’t on the list of tests. So I went on my way to wait for another grueling two weeks for a progress report.
Ehh well. On to week 7!