I recently got my bangs cut. I didn’t tell my husband I was doing it. If something doesn’t occur in nature he does not like it (i.e. nail polish, makeup…bangs). I felt like a rebel sitting in the chair as the big chunks, then tiny pieces, fell down. I was surprised I wasn’t nervous. I don’t do big hair changes, and this was a BIG change for me. I realized I was more nervous for my husband’s reaction.
Before I met him I was pretty daring when it came to fashion. It’s always been my favorite form of expression and creativity. I never thought twice about wearing a fur vest and leather skirt to school. I loved it. I thrived on it. It wasn’t about the materialistic side of it, I just loved clothes. I loved putting together outfits. In fact, just this morning I woke up bright and early thinking about a pair of shoes I desperately wanted and all the outfits I could conjure up to wear with them. Even as an awkward teenager, I owned whatever I wore, and I think that is why it worked. People are always saying, “I couldn’t pull that off.” The truth is, anyone can pull anything off as long as they have the confidence to do it.
I’ve toned my personal style down quite a bit since we’ve been together. I don’t want to make him sound negative, he is pretty stylish himself, it’s just his style is more of a “classic” look. So when I ask him about things like leather paneled leggings, I am met with a resounding, “NO.”
So today, in leaving my appointment, I sent him a picture of my new do and the words “Surprise!” Followed immediately by, “And don’t say anything ugly because I love them.” His responding comment bordered dangerously close to my perception of ugly, but he kept it pretty mild. It was then that I realized that often times I live apologetically.
We live in a society where people are constantly apologizing. Apologizing for speaking the truth. Apologizing for not fitting in with the “norm.” Apologizing for being shy. Apologizing for being so outspoken. Apologizing for the very things that ultimately make up our being.
How many times do we begin our conversation with “sorry?”
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t put an appropriate filter on yourself. Blurting out the first thing you think or feel isn’t always the best tactic for functioning successfully in society. But owning who you are is a beautiful thing. Even if it turns heads. Even if it isn’t accepted by everyone around you. Even if sometimes you feel a bit out of your comfort zone…which is usually only because of another person’s reaction.
My new goal for myself is to live without apologizing. I like who I am. If someone else doesn’t, that’s their problem to deal with. And sometimes that includes the husband. Sorry love, the bangs are here to stay 🙂 Love you!